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Time does not heal and does not make stronger
It is very painful to lose relatives, those with whom we have been close for years.
No, time does not heal, it only dulls the pain for a while. How can you take and forget that the person is no more, to burn him out of your heart and thoughts? When you no longer call, congratulate you on your birthday, do not talk ...It is very painful to lose relatives, those with whom we have been close for years.Someone is tormented by memories of his father or mother, he simply does not fit in his head, as a person who has always been beside you for many years has died.
It is especially hard for women to feel lonely, abandoned and small, and therefore helpless when there was no father. Even if during his life his father was sometimes intolerable, but you loved him and he loved you madly, more than anything else.
Maybe you were annoyed when he just sat at home and watched TV, could leave dirty dishes in the sink, listened to music that you seemed to learn by heart, asked to go to the store and buy his favorite tomato juice, mineral water or chocolate ice cream, asked for help hold some wrenches and nutsdownload him some movie, game or song, sometimes he didn’t give you a good night’s sleep drunk about Afghanistan (he fought), about life, about cars ..
You loved him and was afraid, scolded myself for thinking when you wanted him not to exist at all in your life .. On the day of your eighteenth birthday, he opened a bottle of brandy and, before you left for the restaurant, began to conduct moralizing conversations, began about his beloved army, etc. to tears.
In your hearts you thought you no longer want to see your father on your birthdaybecause dear father will get drunk again and this time he will tell you how he jumped from a parachute in your age n-th number of times, achieved that, and you, they say, can’t imagine anything else.But you always knew that he never wanted to hurt you ...
And now every time you remember how you fed your dad his last week of life: he made sandwiches for him, brought pilaf to his mouth, drank water from a pipe, even held a cigarette, held a telephone, because he had a tremor ...
But there are good memories from your childhood. How he tickled you little, how you swam and poured water together, how he taught you to ride a scooter, a bicycle,on the car, how you grilled kebabs, made something together, watched the transfer in the kitchen at night and in a whisper, so as not to wake mom, talked about everything, how he fried you dumplings and scrambled eggs and ate them from the pan, how you looked at the stars as they asked mom to start a cat, a dog, then someone else and much more.
Every time when now you see chocolate ice cream, you hear songs that your father liked, you watch some kind of show that he loved or even a cartoon,so warm is the soul and at the same time unbearable.
It is unbearable to understand that all this still exists and continues to exist, and he himself no longer exists.Not near, but in your heart, he will always be with you.